How does God feel about me right now?
The question ran through my head the rest of Sunday and into Monday. Sunday morning the question was posed durning the sermon. In all honesty, in that moment, my answer was less than hopeful. My answer reflected God not thinking so favorably on me. My answer had nothing to do with sin in my life ,or not having time with Him in His Word, or not serving Him, or any of the typical reasons I have in my mind. Those thoughts of Him being disappointed in me came from old wounds and lies I was falling back into believing.
I am enough!
But that’s not how God sees me. He isn’t disappointed in me. I haven’t let Him down or made Him regret creating me. I wasn’t a mistake. He loves me because I’m His daughter. I am enough! And because I have accepted the sacrifice of His son to pay the price for my sin, He sees me as a new person, and there is nothing I could do to make Him love me less. There is also nothing I could do to make Him love me more. You see, my head knows this, but sometimes my heart doesn’t.
When they grow back they come with depression.
I think sometimes we have hurts in our lives where pain runs deep. Sometimes not only is that hurt deep but the lies that are with them are like weeds. You pull them and think you’ve done everything to get them, but then they somehow manage to grow right back. I have lies like that. When they grow back they come with depression.
I do believe that there is a difference between fighting or struggling with depression and living in depression. For me, my depression isn’t constant any more. It will come and go. Sometimes its a very short time, and other times it can drag on for a few weeks. Its never at the level for medication, but I think for some people it may be. There is nothing wrong with that! God uses medicine all the time. There is no shame in that! For me it’s more of learning and remembering to fight. Fighting means going to counseling, talking to safe friends, it’s digging into God’s Word, it’s finding music that speaks to your heart and listening to it on repeat, and it is pouring your heart out to God. Struggling with depression doesn’t make you weak or less of a Christian. It doesn’t change how God sees you or how much He loves you. But remembering who you are in Christ and how He sees you helps in that fight.
He doesn’t see who you used to be or what you have done.
When those weeds of lies that tell you aren’t loved by God-when hurts re-surface and the things you’ve done pull you down into depression once again. Remember that God loves you, He loves you so much that His Son willing died for you! Remember who you are! Remember that if you have put your trust in Christ then you are covered in His grace. He doesn’t see who you used to be or what you have done. He just sees you as His child, and His love is immeasurable! Hold on. Fight through this with confidence of who you are in Christ!