Some thoughts to my single friends I’ve been pondering again this year as we approach Valentine’s Day. I think it was a couple of years ago that my attitude with that day switched. I went from bitter and wanting to forget the day even existed to full on embracing all that it could possibly be. And no, I was not in a relationship. It was actually a year after a very serious relation I was in ended.
But as God has been working healing in my heart my attitude has taken a surprising turn. I actually love Valentine’s Day. I mean let’s face it, our commercial society has made it into one thing, but what is to keep us from switching things up? What’s stopping us from expanding the meaning of what the day is to more than if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?
I think my perspective changed when I started doing my “Jesus dates”. I know it sounds hecka cheesy, but if you have been following me for awhile you know I’m all about the cheese! For those of you who are like “what the heck this gal is one of those weird I’m dating Jesus chicks” (I’m not!) let me explain. My Jesus dates honestly are just intentional extended time with Him. It sometimes includes me treating myself to a nice restaurant I’ve wanted to try or a movie, or concert, hike, or whatever but with the full attention of being intentional with remembering God is with me, and making time to talk to Him like He was physically there with me and we were just chillin. I would not necessarily make reading scripture as part of my time-unless the Spirit lead to do so. But I would focus on being still and letting God speak to my heart or just let my mind, body, and heart rest by just being quiet and still.
When I first started this it seemed awkward and weird, but the more I did it, the more it seems natural and the personal aspect of my relationship with Christ began to grow. Which meant when Valentine’s Day rolled around, I wasn’t left with the lonely, bitter bug. I was excited to either spend time with dear sisters in Christ or to even just spend time with Jesus. I would spend the day reflecting on all the ways God had shown His love to me over the years and still is showing me love. I’d spend time telling Him how much I love Him. And suddenly, you find yourself filled with joy and happiness because God’s love is far better than any human could give. God is the one who completes us, never fails us, and never will stop loving us!
If you are still struggling with ideas to not be a negative Nelly this Valentine’s Day, here are some ideas.
- -Get a group of your single gals (or guys if you’re a guy) and make a fun party out of the day. A few years ago a few of my single girl friends and I started doing what we called “man night” where we’d he “hearty” foods and watch “manly” movies like Gladiator. lol It was so much fun.
- -Do a party with your guy and girl friends. Just have a fun time with your single brothers and sisters in Christ. (Does not need to be a dating thing!) Play games, watch a movie, and just enjoy the friends God has given you. One year my group of friends did this and we watched Princess Bride and ate BLTs. Such a fun night!
- -Volunteer to babysit for some friends who have you kids so they can go out! What better way to show your married with kids friends that you love them than by offering to watch their kiddos so they can go out. (Maybe even do it for free! 😉 )
- -Plan to do something you have want to try. Maybe hike at a new park. Take some time off and do a quick one or two day trip somewhere. I love to cook so I will sometimes rent a movie I’ve been wanting to see(If you are really struggling with being single, I’d recommend avoiding the Romantic Comedy’s) and cook a complicated or new dish, pull out the fancy plates and enjoy the new recipe and the movie. I’ll then do a facial, do my nails, and full on pamper myself. Hello spa evening!
- -Buy yourself flowers! If you like flowers, for crying out loud girl, buy yourself some gorgeous, make your heart smile, can’t stop staring at them, can’t stop smelling them, flowers! Okay, maybe I’m the only one who loves flowers this much, but seriously buy the flowers or the box of chocolates or the heart-shaped Chick-fil-a nugget box. You do you girl!
- -Catch up with a single friend you haven’t talked to in forever… Heck she maybe needing someone to talk to that day too.
- -Do a Jesus type date. Even if it is just in your living space while microwaving a Lean Cuisine. Talk to Him like He’s right there microwaving a meal with you. If you’re a lone be brave and talk out loud. I promise you’re not crazy! And talking to God out loud like I would a friend has strengthened my relationship with God.
- -Have a worship dance party by your self or with friends. Y’all, I’m 30 and these are still such a blessing and bring joy to my heart…so no you’re not too old! lol
- -If all else fails take advantage of the time and do a chore or project you have been putting off. Emotional/stress clean that heck out of you apartment! Dust all the things you didn’t even realize you should be dusting. Scrub all the tings you forget to scrub.
*And it’s okay if you cry too. It’s okay if you are grieving the loss of a relationship or your being single. Don’t just stuff those emotions. Feel them, express them, wrestle them out with God. My challenge for you on this day especially is to count your blessings. Feel your feelings, but don’t allow yourself to stay there. No pity parties! And don’t let your well-meaning friends take you down that road either. Cry through things, vent some stuff out, then move on to reflecting on God’s love.
I think it’s important to remember that God created marriage. Having a family is a good thing. Having the desire to be married and have a family is a natural and good desire. Letting that desire consume you and become an idol is not good. Thinking marriage will fix all your problems, cure your loneliness, complete you in some way–not good either. Fun fact, it won’t. Talk to any of your married friends and they’ll agree with that fact. Trust me.
God created us not to be alone, but somehow the church has often warped that into meaning everyone has to get married. And if you aren’t married there is something wrong or they are to be pitied. But read what Paul wrote!! Like for real peeps! Read what He wrote about being single. (1 Corinthians 7:7-9) We have some how gotten it into our heads that being a Christian=being married. Like what?! That’s not in the Bible…no where…like for real. We are not even promised that. Sorry. And we know that God wants us to be filled with peace and joy and do everything to glorify and represent Him in everything–even our singleness. We are complete in Christ alone. We have everything we need to serve Him in the places He has called us in Him. If you are single, He has you. If you are married, He has you.
So rejoice that you are complete in Christ! Thank Him for your brothers and sisters in Christ. Shower them with love that reflects Christ, and let them and God shower you with love this Valentine’s Day.
And for the sake of joy and happiness everywhere, please do NOT call it Single Awareness Day! lol (But for real.)