Sometimes emotions just hit. I can be doing great and then “bam!” out of nowhere depression can hit. Last night and today are one of those times. I do struggle with seasonal depression, but the sun is out…and that usually helps. And yes it is hecka cold here in the midwest today, but the sun is out. But that coupled with Valentine’s Day…is leaving me a little raw today.
If you follow me or have been recently especially, I just wrote a post about embracing singleness and still celebrating Valentine’s Day. So you might be a little confused about why the change. First, it’s not a change. I am still embracing singleness and digging into what it means to fall deeper in love with God and discover how much He loves me. But I’m human. Emotions happen. If you find yourself in the same boat I’m in today, it’s okay. I got you!
Struggling with loneliness does not have to equal discontentment with where God has you–singleness. I have married friends who have God-centered love-filled marriages that still feel lonely sometimes. Loneliness is part of being human. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t cure that. We will still feel it sometimes. Same with depression. Being with someone doesn’t cure depression. I have been in relationships and was in a very serious one for several years. I still struggled with depression. Being with him did cure that. What does help is drawing near to God. In loneliness pour out your heart to God. In depression, wrestle out the hurt, sadness, or whatever. And let His love wrap you in comfort and peace knowing that in all things God is good and He wants the best for you.
I’ll be honest, this wasn’t the post I had planned. I had one that was far more confident and strong sounding. But today, in this moment, I felt I needed to be honest. I needed to share that while yes, I am fully content and at times ridiculously excited to see what God has for me in my future and how He will use my singleness for His Kingdom, I am still human. I write these posts not only for y’all but honestly for me too. They help me process things. And while going to God is the best option because He is love, and if we are seeking love then why not go to the source? I also realize from personal experience it’s not an instant fix. We don’t always feel a rush of His love the minute we draw close to Him. Our hurting hearts aren’t always instantly set with light-heartedness. It sometimes takes time. But in my experience, He does not waste anything. No tear, or inaudible word -vomit. He doesn’t waste any of it. And in time, He is faithful to give you comfort and fill you with joy, and lavish you with His perfect love.
There is a beauty in the mess. There is beauty in our brokenness. I feel like I have been learning a lot about brokenness lately. And it has left me in awe and completely speechless how good God has been with me through the lowest part of my brokenness. In the middles of complete helpless confusion and mess, God broke through and connected to my heart in such a personal way. But it took time, it took me letting go, it took my brokenness. But the beauty in my Heavenly Dad, reaching down to hold my heart is something I am still failing to put words to.
So today, where ever you are, in whatever season of life, be where you are. Be real with yourself and most importantly be real with your Heavenly Dad who is fighting for your heart. He wants to bring beauty into your brokenness and hold your heart. But you have to let Him. But then, in His perfect timing, He will bring a peace even with the pain, even with the loneliness, and depression. There will be hope because you will know in the core of your being that the God of the universe calls you His child and He is there in the middle of it all with you!