To the guys, brothers in Christ, guy friends in my life:
I’m writing this to you from a gal, a sister in Christ, a friend. I’m writing to say the things I’ve wanted to say. And with a small few, have said some of these things to. Things that myself and other ladies I know wish you knew from us and our perspective.
To my guy friends currently in my life, thank you! Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for the times you have taken the time to explain your point of view on things. To help me understand topics I had miss-notions about. You’ve listened to my questions and calmly shared answers. You’ve listened to my view, and calmly explained your side. And you haven’t changed your friendship with me when we still disagree.
Thank you for being caring and a protective. Your insistence at times with walking me to my car or making sure I get somewhere safely threw me off guard and in the beginning kicked my fierce independence into high gear and resistance, but you just kept doing your thing. You have helped me see that there are men still who genuinely care not just about the people around them, but also the women around them. You have helped me see that I can be strong and independent while still asking for help and accepting help.
You have helped me be able to trust guys again. To learn that I can feel safe around guys and don’t always have to be on edge around all guys. Being able to relax and feel safe has been so healing to me. Learning to let loose and be myself has been so healing. Instead of always having to put on a show or be something I’m not because I was told that is how you are to act around guys, I’ve been able to be real. Learning that there are good men out there who care about my heart and my walk with Christ. Who challenge me and are trustworthy so that I can process the hard things of life out with them. Those who have seen me cry, but never because of harsh or degrading reasons, but because they cared enough to listen and pray about the things on my heart. Thank you!
Thank you to the men who have proved the old statement I long believed wrong, “Guys just want one thing(sex) and will use you and leave you.” You have showed me that there are honorable guys out there who realize that truly being a man means caring about the women in their lives and wanting them to be honored too. I’ve seen the times your hearts have rose in hearing of injustice and hurt even other men have inflicted. The way abuse or things of that nature break your heart. I’m learning that a guy can want to help and be generous not because he expects something in return like you owe him, but because he wants to be a blessing without strings attached. (I’m still working on receiving that and believing my worth on receiving blessings like that.)
I also want you all to know that you don’t have to act or be a certain way because it’s what society or people have said. Be you. Be who God has created you to be. You don’t have to be harsh or never cry to be strong. There is a strength in a man that is able to feel and when appropriate, express his feelings. There is a genuineness and respect for a guy who can handle his emotions instead of shoving them down only to explode later. So dig into your identity in Christ and be that person!
Know that not all women want to change almost everything about you, and the ones that do probably aren’t in a healthy place since they think the solution is changing you instead of realizing its not a good match. Relationships take compromise at time for sure, but there is a difference between that and wanting to change the core of who you are. You should be able to be who God has created you to be and follow and worship Him the way He has created you to without having to change that.
Know that when it comes to gals and guys it’s not a one size fits all. Just like God creates such diversity in men and women He does the same with who and the characteristics women are attracted to. Some like beards, some do not. Some are attracted to different eye colors, hair, and body types…. There is a variety of character traits to and personalities that even the ladies I know are attracted to. And I can speak for myself and others when I say that it breaks our heart when we hear you put yourself down. When you put down your personality or appearance it breaks my heart. And I want to say those are lies. You are a son of God created by Him and in His image, and God only creates good things! He doesn’t make mistakes. So if you aren’t healthy physically or mentally, work on that. Eat healthy, workout, take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. But do it because it’s part of taking care of the temple of the Holy Spirit. Not to get a girl. Because changing for someone isn’t healthy, and a woman in a healthy mindset isn’t going to be attracted to a guy only changing for her or for the woman he wants. Who you are supposed to be with, when someone is a good match, it will be a good match with you being you.
Know that we as women, even strong independent women need you. We need those of you who are kind, trustworthy, compassionate, love the Lord well, care about us, and have a heart of protector. So thank you! Thank you for being part of my life. Talk kindly to yourself and about yourself. Own who God has made you to be, and learn to be comfortable in your own skin.