I spent a lot of time walking away from God in high school. And with the walking away I got involved with Wicca (Witchcraft). It’s not like I jumped into it, it was a slow process. And I knew better. I was in a Christian home where we didn’t celebrate Halloween or things like that so what happened?
I went through some deep hurt that left me questioning who God was and if He was even real. But there was something in me that knew there was a high power of some kind. My life without guidance was a mess and had no meaning. I had a longing for community and went looking for that.
It first started with what I saw as harmless teen girl magazine horoscopes and a TV show that was popular among my friends at the time. I didn’t see the harm and I was needing direction in my life and the horoscopes gave me that. The TV show was all fake and just fun…right. It was Hollywood and special effects and wasn’t real, or at least that’s how it started out. But it was a foothold in my life and I started to question what I had been taught.
I started questioning if witches really were bad and if they were of Satan or maybe they were actually good. The TV show showed them as the girls who got the cute guys, fought demons, and had amazing lives. What teen girl wouldn’t want that? And just like with the serpent in the Garden with Eve, I started to question if what I had been taught was really true and began to look into Wicca for myself. I was longing to belong and community. They welcomed me with open arms and encouraged me to be whoever I wanted to be. The spells gave me a sense of power and control and I was finally in a non-judging community my heart longed for. But it didn’t take long for things to take a scary turn.
I don’t go into the details of the things I experienced and witnessed for many reasons, and have only gone into some of those details in person in a rare occasion, but what I experienced was enough to keep me in-prisoned in fear and unable to sleep. I became consumed with suicidal thoughts and self-harm. What I was clinging to for purpose and control was killing that purpose and ripping away my sense of control fast.
But GOD! God was still pursuing my heart. The God of Angel Armies and the enemy were at war over me. And as things intensified God lead me to a new youth group and a separate group of Christians, along with moving and only being able to get TBN (Christian TV Channel) on the TV and only being able to fall asleep to Moody Radio (Christian Radio), (God couldn’t have been more obvious that He was fighting for me) I began to feel a tug in my heart to really give my life to God.
Finally, the summer before my senior year of high school after a week of battling the enemy’s voice in my head that said, “I would never be free unless I killed myself” I chose Jesus! I cried out to Him as I held the pills in my hand and fully had planned on ending my life. God broke through and I cried out and shakily grabbed on to Him. I still struggled with believing He would want me back, but I made the choice to give my heart to Him right then.
So fast forward to college October 11th (also my birthday💁🏻♀️) 2015. I was growing in my walk with God and what it meant to follow Jesus, I had felt God tugging on my heart to make that public statement that I had left my old life behind and that I was dying to the Wicca and lies of the enemy I had believed. I had the opportunity to share what God had done in my life up until that point. And shout His GLORY and GOODNESS! And to make the first major step in declaring that I was putting God first in my life and that I wanted to glorify and serve Him no matter what in all of my life.
I was blessed to make that declaration with my friends and family around. Friends who would walk alongside me for years to come and encourage me in my walk through so many hard times in the years to come. I am so thankful for them!
But even more than that, I am thankful to God and the continued work of the Holy Spirit and what He has and is continuing to do in my life!
And to answer the question I get so many times this time of year. This is why I don’t do scary supernatural shows or movies. And I don’t celebrate Halloween. I used to celebrate that-and I saw the real side of that day. And I still to this day feel the darkness that surrounds that day. And I don’t read a lot of books that are popular because the so called gibberish I have read before…in spells and Wiccan covenants. And for me, I don’t want to give the enemy an inch in that area of my life ever again. It is already still such a battle for me to this day, and I don’t see it worth the risk. But know that we all have to have our own convictions and decisions. And that doesn’t change if you know Jesus and see things different from me. However, if you have more questions or want to talk more to me about this some time, I’d be glad to explain more. ☺