I never realized how one could be experienced the heaviness of the world while still having all the joy of the Lord. How you can cry tears of tiredness and brokenness while still praising God from the deepest part of your heart. But this is what I’ve been experiencing. I feel crazy because right now it seems my emotions can go from experiencing 20 emotions in 5mins, to me doing what I’ve done for years and shutting down all feelings. But I’m realizing that as weird as it seems and feels to me. You can be so filled with the joy of the Lord and so in love with Him and all He has done for you while still being in the middle of healing and in deep sorrow.
You can be worshipping Him from the core of your soul while tears of grief, weariness, and brokenness run down your face. Healing is a process not a goal or destination. It is a journey. A journey I’m realizing lasts a life time. Yes, there are seasons of more pure joy and good times than heart ache and tears. But there are also many seasons filled with heaviness.
The question is can you find joy in the heaviness? Are you so rested in God and filled with His joy that you can be pouring your heart out to God one minute and praising Him through tears rolling down your cheeks. And then sincerely laugh and feel His love and joy in a moment the next? Because I didn’t think this was a thing because it’s what I’ve been experiencing lately. It His joy that is my ground that keeps me from continually falling deeper into depression and hopelessness. His joy that allows me to feel the pain of grief and pour my heart out to Him under the starry sky, but then comfort and listen to a friend working through her own hurt. It’s His joy the allows me to smile with true joy even when my heart is so hurting. It keeps me grounded. Keeps me afloat. And keeps me running deeper into His presence every day.