“But what if you stay?”

Abba God you whisper to my heart

If I stay then it’s only because You say to

My heart just wants You

And if I stay I fear I may fall apart

Because I’m coming undone

Kept my life in neat little bows that only sometimes show something deeper

If I stay then let me love others well

To pour into them

And point them closer to You

I just want people to heal and to know You

And if walking through heartbreak and pain is how I’m drawn closer to You

And if it brings people to You

Then I’ll walk through it with You

But when You feel far my heart freaks out

It feels like it will stop beating itself

And though my heart won’t connect to my head knowing You don’t leave

I will cling to what my head knows

You have walked through so much with me

Even when I struggle to trust

You are the one I trust the most

You have been with me

Through the late night crying out in cornfields

In the “whys” and “where are You?”

You have always held me close

I will choose You

I will always choose you

And when I doubt and lies invade

Keep me close and don’t let me go

If I stay and fall apart

Let it be to glorify You

Because all my heart wants is to live a life honoring You

And if I let go

Let it draw me closer to You

And others to see You in me

Because whether I walk through joy or pain

I choose to follow You

And will know it’s all worth it

If in the end people saw You in me

So if I stay

Let me breakdown beautifully

Let me words and actions

And the things the enemy meant for evil

Be used to point to You

Because only then will it be worth it all

Because I want healing to be closer to You

Because I want healing so my head and heart can connect

So that when I speak on Your truth

I mean it from my heart

I’m tired of spitting Truth like empty facts

If I stay

Then let it be because it’s all for You