Complex Contentment

I found my self in this place.

This unexpected place of being content in God and in awe of Him and all He has brought me through.

And yet, I find myself in moments to be still so discontent.

But yet, content.

It’s a position that I have found hard to explain

Hard to articulate

Because I know the joy and hope that comes in Christ.

I know what He has done in my life

Broken the chains of oppression on my soul

And I have fallen in love with Him

He who is so filled with love and grace

And yet so perfectly balanced with justice

And in these things I hold tight

These truths I find peace

I find contentment.

But there is a stirring in my heart a longing that I cannot shake.

It’s a cycle of finding myself pouring my heart and longings out to the Lord

Finding myself like Hannah begging God to hear her

I pour it out and give it to God

Then I get busy

I get swept away with life

Caught up in the romance of promises that God whispers to my heart

Then before I know it the aching in my heart stirs again

And my vision slightly blurs


I remind myself

I speak the promises of God

That He guides my steps and has my best at heart

And so the cycle begins once again

But I think that is part of being human

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