Dear sweet sister. I get it. I’ve been there. It’s so easy to get sucked into the frenzy of boy craziness and just assume that is normal and what is expected. You feel that longing in your heart to feel loved and accepted by a guy. And you feel the desire to have something to tell all your girlfriends about too. You hear there dating or crush stories and you just want to have some too. And maybe your lack of a dating life has lead you and others to call into question your sexual orientation. And there you sit staring at the petals on the ground as the last one fell on “he loves me, not” yet again.
I’ve been there! My heart breaks for you. But I’m here to say that there is so much more to life than your relationship status. Then posting cute pics of you and him on Instagram. There is more to life than boys. I know you may not be believing me, but trust me there is. And if you let yourself go crazy and loose your mind over boys now, it will only end up hurting your life in the long run. You will end up heart broken time and time again, and will miss all the joy God has for you.
And maybe your heart’s desire in being constantly focused on guys is because of your desire to have have kids and a husband. Those are good desires, but when those dreams and desires turn into our focus and purpose we set ourselves up for heartbreak. But I get it. I’ve been there too! And still can be there if I’m not actively making the choice to seek God and put Him as the focus everyday.
I spent many hours in high school and in college obsessing over boys, chasing boys, and doing everything to get them to notice me and like me. Half the time looking back I realize what an idiot I was. And sometimes even looked like an actual idiot.
Lets just see, in pitiful attempts to impress guys I have fallen off a tread mill, slipped and covered my self in mud, bragged about a movie I actually knew nothing about only to have that fact later made painfully obvious, fallen off a stool, had food fall out of my mouth, and wait for it…completely tore my ACL tendon in my knee! All to impress a guy! Sisters, it’s not worth it! And I will say half of those things I wouldn’t have done if I was just being myself and doing my thing.
I’m not saying you have to hide away and avoid guys like the way you used to when you thought boys had cooties. But it does mean balance and not being consumed by them.
Well into my 20s I realized I had let my “boy crazy” teens turn into a full blown relationship addiction. I had to constantly either be in a relationship, talking to a guy, working on talking to a guy, or something. If didn’t I would get depressed and desperate. As I got older and acquired more and more independence and eventually living on my own, it was super difficult not to just go out and meet as many guys in school, wherever and however just to have that guy or guys in my life. But fortunately I had realized the dangerous path I was going down and asked trusted sisters in my life to hold me accountable. And I began to let God work on my heart to heal my heart and break the chains of this addiction.
You may not think your in a relationship addiction mode, and maybe you’re not, but it’s still not healthy anytime we think and focus on something most of our day. Unless what we are thinking and focussing on is Christ…then that’s actually a good thing. Any time we put anything in first place in our lives other than Jesus, we make that thing or person an idol. So even though the Bible may not specifically call out boy craziness, it does talk about idols a lot. The Bible warns us against that and makes it clear that God it to be first in our lives.
Sweet girl, where is your focus? Where is your joy and happiness found? Relationships ultimately don’t last for eternity(not even marriage). No person has the ability to completely you and make you happy 100 percent of the time. Only our relationship with God will last for eternity. Only in Him can we be completed and find true happiness.
Dear girl who is chasing all the boys,
Breathe! The God of the universe sees you, and cares about you deeply. He knows your heart. And His plan wether married or single is far better in the end than anything we could try to put together. You just need to relax in His arms, and trust your life–all of it–even relationships, to Him. Go on a date with the solid Christian guy who is all about Jesus, but be yourself and let God direct the next steps. Don’t be so desperate or focused on making this one date or guy work, that you miss more that God might have for you! Keep running after God, seeking Him, and running hard into serving Him, and trust that He has your life in His hands.
Your sister in Christ- Rachel