Summer had always been my favorite
Long days creek wading
And braids without care
Catching lightning bugs at night
Writing stories I’d act out on my own
The woods was were I could be found
Spending hours pretending to be a pioneer traveling west
A cow girl or an Indian Chief’s daughter
I made my daylight hours house out of thick leaved branches
And enclosed three sides with old boards and branches
In the middle to sit was a two fallen logs just the right size for me to comfortably sit between
the fourth side was open wide to the creek that flowed
This was my safe space my play home
The woods my sanctuary
I had a heart of integrity
And a little spirit that knew no fear
Respect for nature flowed through my blood
And following rules
And what was right
Until the world
And rules
And what was true
Was shaken
and turned into something too mature
for my small child heart and mind to have a clue
For they were, where they weren’t supposed to be
Doing things they ought not be
And my little justice heart tried to do my part
I spoke the words that changed my history
I was too scared and small
And they older there was no escaping my faith’s downfall
Sunny blue skies didn’t seem to match the darkness that entered my heart
My best friend, Jesus, I telepathically communicated my plea
Because with threats and hand over my mouth I uttered no screams
But looked up to where You had always been
And waited for Your to answer like You always have
But I stared at that barn roof with its peeling white paint
And my rescue never came
As my word shattered that day
The birds still chirped and sang their song
And my heart grew angry and confused
Hot tears burn their way to the front of my eyes
I never felt so much anger
Anger at the blue sky
Angry at the happy birds chirping
Angry at why God, my best friend, hadn’t put things to an end
And I just wrote a story to blur my new reality
As I stared at that peeling barn roof and the bright blue sky
And for the first time I asked God “why”
And I wondered where He was
And why this all to me was done.
My love of the summer turned to dread
My faith shattered like the pieces of my heart
And the questions threatened to destroy the little glimmers of joy left
But I fought
I fought to hold on to the faith I had once so strongly knew
But fear and anger played their part in my mind
And child-like trust was greatly lost
And now years later my grown-up mind
Is slowly learning to love summer again
And trust God with my heart