Broken girl

I’ve fought so hard not to be the broken girl

But always seemed to to be the broken girl

Once the strong girl

The always optimistic 

The incredible faith in God-girl

But this broken world made me into a broken girl

So I hid the broken

Stuffed all the shattered pieces far away

Covered them with slap-happy laughter from little sleep and lots of caffeine 

The jokes and crazy antics covering up anything real in me

I learned to talk about anything and everything, but nothing of value about myself

And when I did

It inevitably never went well

So I stopped 

The broken girl lost friends

The silly shallow girl gained them

I made my home safely in the fake

I moved easily in the shallow

The always down for a crazy pointless adventure

Just please don’t ask me to go into the deep 

Then the facade started to break

Panic grew in my heart

Real friends gently persistent and patient 

They wouldn’t settle for shallow

They wouldn’t accept fake me

They cared too much

But fear gripped my heart

What if they saw the broken girl and left

Alone-the word nearly broke my heart

What if letting my real self show left me broken and alone?

The question would send me back in retreat

Back to fake

Back to safety

But something in me wanted to risk it

Wanted to be known

Wanted to be seen 

And still loved

I wanted real friends

Who knew my-brokenness and all

Friends who I knew-brokenness and all

But it took bravery 

Took me learning to open up

So slowly I learned that it’s okay to be broken

It’s okay that life gets heavy sometimes

That tears happen

And life hurts sometimes

But broken isn’t who I am

Broken is part of me

Part of my story

But it’s not who I am

I’m not the broken girl

I’m the girl deeply loved my creator, redeemed, set free, and is healing-girl

We are all a little broken

But you are not the broken girl

You may have brokenness

But that’s okay

I do too!

And I never would have started healing

Started really living

If I hadn’t been brave enough to stop living fake

To let myself have real friends

Friends who know me-and are continuing to get to know me

The real me

The daughter of God who is messy, broken, awkward, caring, and passionate

Real life begins where perfection and fake ends

We all need messy friends

We all need real friends

I’m so thankful for my messy friends!

I’m so thankful for real friends!