
I wrote this one a while ago when I was doing a lot of processing out things through poems. But I decided not to post it. I’ve wrestled through a lot of the emotions tied to this one and thought this was now finally time. There were three poems I wrote during that time a few months back-actually a think a year or so ago. I will be posting at least one more of the three remaining here this week or so. The third…will happen if it’s supposed to when it’s supposed or it may have just been for me.
We used to stay up late counting stars
Now wonder where you are
I knew he wasn’t good for you
But his words of flummery grew
And you became no match for what you saw as flattery
His ploy in place
To create space between me and all your friends
Luxury life and the promise of freedom from your family’s fights
His listening ear deafened you to the lies
And the words of eulogy were really your casualty
And just like that days and hours gone
And stars became faint shimmers in a darkening sky
Trust complicated by erroneous safety
You mistook listening for love
And void words stole the joy from your soul
Late night hours
Screen with mind re-working powers
Too many videos and words to stream
Too many empty promises
Watching your childhood crumble makes my heart scream
You were searching for peace
Searching for love
Searching for someone for family secrets to keep
You were searching for something your pain to ease
We used to climb trees
And hide and seek among the cornfields
When boys had cooties
When life was elementary
But that was before questions were raised
Before your tiny bold faith caved that day
Before you went on a scavenger hunt
To understand and cover what had scavenged your heart
And into the world of graphic conversations
Innocence slaying images
And talk of more money than either of us could understand
I understand the pull-the thrill of it all
But when you went away I lost part of me
When you stepped into what you saw as your fate
You sent my heart to the grave
Who I was would never be
You didn’t know your willing choice took my innocence too
And I know I will never find you
Who you once were
The one I knew who would stare at stars without the weight of the world on her mind
The one who would wade through creeks
And sit as still as possible to simply spot a close encounter with a squirrel
Who you were before you became, Lexi